Monday, October 31, 2005

Great Ocean Road



This is a photo from Great Ocean Road, Melbourne. This photo was took on a windy day so you can see the wave hitting the rocks viciously. I try to capture the various shades of blues make the photo more interesting. Any comment?

Music to my ears

Today, office is very quiet and I'm alone sitting in the training room. I had to finished the class a day earlier because one of my students has to go back to his home town for a festive celebration this Thursday. For those who didn't take leave, all prefer to work at their own desk.



I didn't want to be a evil teacher, so I let everyone end their session a day earlier. The 3rd was supposed to be the day students do their personal brochure project and finish end of the day. Well, all their friends are outside the class so I had to let them go.



It's very quiet today because majority already taking leave for their festive season. They must be enjoying their vacation now. I'm still sitting in the training room. A bit cold but I get the whole big room to myself. The room is fill with music from Peter Pan. I like his lyrics and music composition. So it's actually nice to listen to Peter Pan on a rainny day.



Rain, rain, please go away.

Down Memories Lane

7 years ago, today, someone I love dearly crushed my heart and love. On that day, he told me he found someone who is more beautiful than me. Yup, that was the exact words he said to me over the phone. For a while I was in shell shock that I didn't know how to react. I snapped out of it after a few minutes and realised what had just happened. I asked him why and was there something I did wrong? Or didn't do? He just said it was nothing. He just said he didn't love me anymore. Upon hearing all this, all I did was cried. I think I cried for 2 hours that day. I cried for one year, everyday, I cried to sleep in my room. I blamed myself and felt guilty and depress though out that year. I even lost my job because I wasn't able to concentrate at my work. The person I put a lot of faith, trust and love, told me he found someone more beautiful than me.



I was all alone in this big city. We came here together in search of a career and a future. We were together since our campus days. We agreed that we would come to the city and started our career after graduation. We agreed that after we saved enough money, we would settle down and build our family. Well, actually, all the 'we' was what he wanted and planned. He also told me to took a step back in my career and let him be the 'better man' with higher career prospect. Telling me I should be just content as a GD and he wanted to move up till CD. As gullible as I was, I agreed.



It was hardship for us when we started working. I saved all I can and since I was working in an hospitality industry, I saved up by eating my breakfast, lunch and dinner at its cafeteria. Food was nothing to be complaint because it was cooked by the apprentices of a chef. Sometimes, we gets to eat the left-over of some corporate dinning functions. Even though we were eating left-over, but the food tasted much better than those cooked by the apprentices. That's one portion of expenses saved. Besides that, taking bus was my main transporatation. Sometimes, it would be more convenient to take a taxi or a train but that would costed a lot. It's specially inconvenient to take a bus during heavy rain because I always ended up socking wet from head to toe. To make matters worse, I had to walk another half an hour up a hill to reach a hostel where I rented a room. So you know what it was like for me under the rain. That's another portion of expenses saved. It was more like hardship for me because he has this thing about taking care of his image. He was the youngest child in his family, the baby of the family and was spoilt by all his big sisters and brothers. It was stupid of me not to see his flaws but love is truely blind.



Even though I work in a administrative category, I was able to saved more than him. He wasn't able to save anything and sometimes had to borrow from me so he can hang out with his creative friends. You could say I took care of the both of us. There were times that he cancelled our dates because he was with his friends or had to work late. Some people might think I am a silly and naive gal but to me love to having faith, trust and sharing. I don't mind sacrify for our future. I don't mind sharing the burden. Being the kind of person he is, he likes centre stage attention so the borrowing money became frequent and I had to used the monies my parents gave me for save keeping. I regreted it till this very day because after he dissappeared, I had to earn back all those monies so that my parents won't find out my stupidity. I never lend anyone money after that, no matter how desperate or urgent ones needs it.



Another thing that hurt me deeply was the date he told me the painful words. We had planned to celebrate my birthday. He told me it would be a very surprise and that I would be very happy. Well, maybe the breaking up was what he meant. It was only 15 days before my birthday. Ever since then, I celebrate my birthday alone. So you see, I'm always a bit mushy and sensitive on this date. It always bring back that day. I never have many friends so it's difficult to find comfort on this day too. Normally I would called Lived just to talk nonsense or irritate Lived. This will make me forget my past. Unfortunately for this year, Lived is away...




Even though it was 7 years, he did called me sometimes asking for help. It was either to borrow money or to check if I were doing better than him. He has this thing about being better than me. He had to have a better job, better pay and better career. Unfortunately, after a year of crying, I pick up myself and started all over again. I landed a job in an international company and work really hard to make up the year I wasted crying over a man. I did do better than him. But up till this day, commitment is foreign to me. Commitment is what I fear.



Love is an empty box.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Moving

Today I offically use my new blog. Fourblindeyes is closed forever. It has been a good few moments. You can all it running away from problem or cowardness. But for me it being safe than sorry. I guess it's human nature. Whenever ones feels threaten, ones will seek cover and defence. That's how I am. I never wanted any uninvited danger nor threat. I would prefer to live in my safe little world where no pain can inflict me.

It's kinna sad to move to a new blog but something can't be avoided. Well, looking at the bright side, new blog, new life, new inspiration. So, hello world, I am tedlive, a bookworm and this is my view towards my surrounding. I will be sharing my thoughts and emotions. Once a while, I will be sharing images of my surrounding whenever I notice something worth-taking.

Moving is never all bad. There's always some good in everything. Everything moves. Nothing stands still as long as time passes by.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Cold And Wet Night

It was raining like cats and dogs last night. The rain was pouring acompany by constant lighting and thunder. I never like lighting, it scare me ever since I was a child. Whenever there was a thunder storm, I will be wide awake under my blanket waiting for it to stop.

It was one of those nights yesterday. It started pouring late afternoon and became heavier by the time I finished work. Along the ride to the train station, I witnessed a few scary lightings from the window. From a distance, it looks as if the lightings touched the ground. Long, bright, lightings from the tip of the sky to the ground. My imagination started to go wild. Stop it.

When I reached the station, the rain started to died down. Wind took over. It was rather cold waiting at the station to go to the city. Some commuters were already half wet by the time they reached the station. I guess the wind will be panetrating into their bones. It seems ages when the train finally arrived to pick us up. Unfortunately, it was no different inside the train. The centralised air conditioning was extra cold that evening. Luckily there was a woman sitting next to me so I didn't feel so cold. I dosed off for a while. The sound of rain gushing down faded away inside the train. I feel safe.

I woke up in time when we reached the city. Got off the train to take another train to go home. I noticed there were quite a lot of people going about their ways. Maybe it was the rain. Many are trying to rush home in time to break fast. In this kind of weather, taxi was no where to be found and the queue was long. Well, there goes my thought of taking a taxi home. I boarded the train and it was quite pack than usual. I would have thought most of the commuters were already safe and warm at home waiting for the time to break fast. It has be the rain.

When I reached my stop, the downpour was already heavier. There were a few people waiting at the station entrance and bus stop. Some waiting for a ride home, some waiting for the rain to stop. I made a fast dash to the bus stop under the heavy fall. I was wet. It was getting darker and colder. There were 3 women waiting besides me. All of us were hoping a taxi would came by soon. Very unlikely though. Breaking fast was only a few minutes away and I'm sure the cabbies were ready with the food and drink for the day.

As I have expected, half an hour past by without a single taxi in sight. The rain had made me wet from head to toe. Then I saw people at the station entrance were all sitting and eating. A day of fasting has come to an end. There were a few chaps across the street looking out from their glass panels. I guess there was nothing much to do in a cold, wet night but looking out and watch the world goes by. I was getting cold and hungry. Suddenly I saw a light on top of a vehicle. It's a taxi, finally. Feeling happy I waved at the taxi. As I was about to get in when suddenly, out of no where a guy ran past me and dashed into the taxi. To my dismay, the driver didn't even ask the guy to get out. "It was my turn". No point getting into an uncivilised taxi...

So I waited for another 15 minutes or more before I saw another taxi drove by. I waved at it and got into it. Finally I am on my way home.

My Good Friend Lived

Friend is someone very important in your life. Without friends we will be lonely and depress. Friends are people who is there for you in time of need, laugh with you and cry with you. We started to make friends ever since we are a toddler. Some started during day care centre or Kindergarden age. We make friends in many phases of our life. Some friendships lasted a long time, some drifted away with time.

As we enter adulthood, our circle of friends seems to shrink from many to few good friends. Those few good friends are the one I treasured the most. Mainly because we been though thick and thin together. There's one friend I treasure a lot. That is my good friend called Lived.

I known Lived a few years ago. Ever since then, I cherish our friendship. From appearance, Lived seem to be a quiet, low key person. Everyone who met or known Lived never had a bad impression. Lived is always a nice, friendly, humble and polite to everyone. Whenever Lived is around, everyone who talk to Lived is always at ease. That's how Lived is to everyone.

When I get to know Lived better, I realised that Lived is more than what others see. One of the trades Lived has intellectual. Lived is very informative, smart and fast learner. I'm always amased at how fast Lived learn new stuff. Lived can pick up new skills in no time and fast to mastered the skills. No matter what problem you throw to Lived, Lived will finds a solution. Lived is clever, intelligent, fast learner and very informative.

Besides that, Lived has a lof of passion. Everything that Lived involved, it is done with full of passion. Lived is passionate in both work and personal. Everytime I see Lived work on something, Lived will put in whole heart and do the best. Lived never goes for average. The word' Average' is not in Lived's dictionary.

Lived never gives up. No matter how difficult the problem, Lived never gives up. Lived will try and try again until Lived succeed. Even if Lived fell, Lived will stand up and try again. Be it 10 times, 20 times, Lived only stopped when a work is done.

Stress management is Lived highest quality. In today's environment, stress is very common. We are always stress at work and sometimes at home. Thoughout all the years I've known Lived, not once I saw Lived stress out. Lived is a cool cat. Any obsticle Lived is in, Lived will deal with it calmly. When everyone else is in the state of panick, you'll see Lived still in the cool cat mood.

Lived is also very loving and caring. Everyone can feel the vibe whenever Lived is around. It's very hard to get angry at Lived. The way Lived love and care for others is beyond words. Even though Lived hardly show it but everyone can feel it.

Lived is Jack of all trades and master of all.

Festive Season

The time has come again. This is the time everyone is busy spring cleaning their home, decorating their home and themselves, buying new stuff to prepare for the coming festive season. Regardless of race, during festive season, we all come together as Malaysian. No longer Chinese, Malay or Indian but Malaysian. After that, it's back to Malaysian Chinese, Malaysian Indian and Malay. I always admire our neighbouring country, Indonesia. Everyone is Indonesian. Even though majority of Indonesian Chinese doesn't understand Mandarin, but everyone speak their natioanal language fluently and has a high pride of their language and culture.

Even though DBP has been struggling tiredlessly to promote our national language, I still find some of us doesn't speak the language fluently. Worse, some doesn't even understand the language. Many of us doesn't even know the history of our language too.

However, one thing for sure, despite the difference in language, culture and race, we are all one big happy family. Our diverse culture and multi-racial is an envy to many foreign countries. Many times I've been asked how we can all live together in hormony and get along so well. In many countries, you seldom see a Chinese walking together with an Indian. Even in school, children tend to cling with their own race. It's really sad to see this. The children miss out all the fun learning others culture. It's so much fun to learn someone's way of life, food, music, belief and religion. It will boarden our knowledge too.

Lacking in this knowledge, will make ones fear of the other. Fear of the unknown. This, sadly tend to leads to a misunderstanding or worst, war...

2 Life, Different Fate

Yesterday I visited my colleague's house to help her with some design work. Upon my arrival, her 4 lovely doggies greeted me with friendly bark. After I let them 'smell' me, all barks turned into wagging tails and friendly greetings. From their appearence, these creatures are well taken care. Judging from it, all pets are in their mature years. Maybe 7 or 8 years old. However, how surprise I was when I was informed that they are 13-14 years old. Rarely I meet a doggie that's more than 11 years old, and look younger than their age. That really please me. My pet passed away when she was 11 years old. I was devestated because I wasn't by her side when she took her last breath.

Many of us don't understand these GOD created creatures. People jump to conclusion whenever a dog barks. They label it as being a nuisance, dangerous, smelly, dirty and sometime feared. Dogs has feeling too. They need love and care, just like us. They are security to our property, guidance and eyes to the needy, search and rescue for the trap and lost, front-liners for bomb infested areas, healer to the sick and many more. They don't charge a penny. All they want is love and care from us. They have feelings too.

Yesterday scene was turn into sadness when I turned to page 2 in Stars newspaper this morning. A badly abused german shepherd 'Sheena' was being grossly neglected by Douglas, the owner. His reason? He is too busy with his personal matters and house moving. He dare to say, I quoted from the paper "The tick infestation was a small problem and there was enough food and water for the dog, which is already old and sickly anyway." The vet tried to save her but they had to out her to sleep to end its misery. To Douglas, if you were Sheena and she becomes you, how would you feel? What would you say if Sheena abuse you in such inhuman way?

Being in a country where animal rights and protection are almost nil, Douglas was only fine RM100. That's USD26.40 only!! It's like... ok, I'll pay you RM100 and I've the rights to torture my dog to death. Buying and pants or dress cost more than RM100. Eating in a restaurant or buyng a book cost more than that too. Is that how much a LIFE worth? A mare pathetic RM100?

The irony is we jail a person 3 years for shoplifting food because a sole breadwinner can't afford to buy milk powder and food for the children.

Teacher

My experience in teaching another person. Actually, it's a huge group. In the corporate world, we called this person Trainer. It's not easy being a trainer. A lot of preparation is needed for a 3 days class. Students in the other hand are smart. They will know if you are not prepared or slacking in your preparation.

When we were younger, we never appreciate the long hours our beloved teachers had to spent to prepare classes for us everyday. The long hours our teachers used day after day in order to nuture us with knowledge and intellecturity so we can face the world with confidence and wise. We take things for granted when we were younger. We hardly says "THANK YOU teacher". Without them, we won't be achieve our have acomplished.

There is a uniqueness in every student. Everyone is different. It is impossible to find 2 identical personality. That's what make human being so special. There are Curious, Explorer, Obedient, Follower and Leader in class. Each with his unique personality and ability to learn. Each personality uses different pace when they learn. Some are fast, some are slower, some self explore, some follow step by step, some lead others. Everyone is interdependent on each other in class. Everyone is helping each other in class. That's what make a class so interesting.

In the world we live in, everyone is interdependent to one another. We need the milkman to deliver milk, the paper boy for our daily news, the butcher for our meat, the cleaner for our sceptic tank, farmer who provide our food and many more.

Interdependent is the way of life...

Cat's life - Renew

People changed whether they knew it or not. I changed without realising it. Environment, surrounding and lifestyle will influence a person. My friends visited my blog yesterday and today and everyone said I'm not the same person they knew. When I heard it, I was puzzle, "Have I changed that much?" What make me changed? All the questions pops up in my mind... trying to find the root of the cause. What cause it?

Everyone who knows me now see me as a bubbly person. Surprise! Fourblind eyes has a different personality. Fourblindeyes view the world differently too. You might say a bit hush. Do you believe in the dark side of one's self? Well, I just experienced it. Not the evil kind of way but a totally different person.

After reflecting my past year, environment plays a major part of my changes. Good environment nurture a bubbly child, negative environment brings out the worst in me. I have been a bad bad child, am I? Well, it's time to changed. Change is always good. Changes make a better person. We grow to be a wiser and calmer person. It's time for me to change. It's time to wrap up the old self and store it away in the closet, never to be open again. It's time for a renew Fourblindeyes. It's time to put back the bubbly person everyone sees in me. It's time to find back bubbly. Bubbly, bubbly, where have you been?

"Why?" bubbly asked. Well, our time to live in this world is so short. Life is too precious and beautiful to be wasted away with negative energy. I'm lucky. I'm surrounded by close friends who care about me. I'm lucky to have a friend who always speak the truth, nothing but the truth. I'm lucky compare to the abused child, homeless child, sick child, old granny and grandpa who were abandoned by their own child. They are part of the results of this so called new technology era.

Back to life again

It's has been ages since I last log in to my blog. I almost forgot myself and ..well had to ask blogger's help to locate my key to fourblindeyes. Now that I finally see myself again, it's good to see what I have acomplished since last year. A good friend just started a blog and I said to myself, "hey, I have one too... Much earlier" A place where I speak my mind out and share my tiny fraction of day with the world.

a friend see the world through photography. A friend sees it in a nice way. I havent seen the world through the lens for many many years. Had a digicam but never get around to practise it or use it. I used to use the old and solid Nikon FM. Hmm... maybe i'll get started again... Well we if my photo is up soon. Keep your finger cross!