Independent

For the past couple of months I was increasingly dependent on Sham when it comes to daily operations of my department. While I am trying my very best to restructure my department, I depend on Sham where creative work and design project are concern. I keep telling myself, it's ok, Sham will be able to help me. He will be ther for me. My dependence on him has become too much and it leads to dissapointment and overbearing.

It lead to dissapointment on my side because each time during critical moment, he was not there when I needed someone to resolve design issues. No doubt the deadlines are ridiculous and crazy but he wasn't there when I needed him the most. He feel overbearing and suffocate that I was too dependent on him that he feel trap, anger, lost of freedom and flexibility. Lost of family time.

My mistake. My mistake because I let myself depend on him. My mistake because I believe I can depend on him when he mentioned and advice me that I should open up my problems and share it with him. My mistake that I fell into the trap thinking that I have someone I can share my problems in my most challenging company to date. My mistake thinking that he will help me and stand by me all the time to go though a horrible day. My mistake thinking that he is the same type of person as my previous colleague in netlinx. My mistake thinking that I can fully depend on him to get things done 110% as my previous colleague in netlinx. My mistake that I asked too much of him when he can't give. My mistake for pushing him too far when he's not ready. My mistake for trusting him to make my objective in the operations department realised. My mistake in trusting him that I can turn a directory design oriented into a full blown advertising agency. My mistake for opening up myself to him. My mistake I let my guard down and ended up getting hurt.

All of those are my mistakes. Everytime I try to help someone, I end up complicated things and lose the friendship and team work. Helping, generous and kind only leads to tears. i learnt that since I was a child. Yet, I still make the same mistakes years after that.

You must depend on youself. You must not trust anyone no matter how sweet or how truthful it sound. No one can help you but yourself. Better be alone than open up your heart to be crashed. I must keep remember all that for I am alone.